Your job is to not take all the thinking so seriously. Everybody has the same problem: the thinking mind makes you frightened about the future, but it is just trying to protect you and works a bit over-time.
Relax. Everything will be o.k. You are not disappointing anyone but yourself. There is no goal you have to reach, and you don't have to "break" any program.
Just pay attention as much as you can. That's all you can really do.
Life happens all by itself. Your job is simply to be present for it. There is no way you can fail at this point, so enjoy yourself a little.
The answer is that LIFE itself is moving through you and expressing itself as thoughts, feelings, emotions. It is all good. Life itself, to be witnessed and felt with gratitude. Your job is to be the witness. You cannot be in control of it all.
Just notice, be mindful, be the witness of it all.
Everything is happening just as it should. See if you can simply enjoy being present, the witness.
Feel it all deeply, but do not look for any answers to all your questions about it. Just experience it as the witness. Do your meditation. Enjoy your friends.
And realized that what makes all of this life happen is a great mystery.
No-one knows why or where it comes from. It just happens, like your heart beats, your mind thinks and your lungs fill with air. Relax.
Yes, awareness is the only way of really dealing with the power of the ego. You can't fight it, but you can be aware of it. Watch your thoughts, know what goes on in your mind, because thinking is the way the ego manifests first. Thinking and fear. Awareness is your path, and since you can't control the ego you must get to KNOW it by observing the mind's thoughts.
Eventually you will see that the mind thinks all by itself. You can only witness, be aware of the thinking. See that it is not truth, and you are not making it all happen. Relax more. Learn to enjoy awareness.
